That feel

Have you ever had a feeling like you just weren't important? That everything you're doing has no point? That anything you do is bound to fail, no matter what? That your whole life you're just going to be a sad pile of worthless person? I'm definitely feeling that right now. Like I'm a huge failure that can't do anything right. I'm bound to work a minimum wage job because I failed highschool and can't do anything productive with my life. Well I haven't failed yet but if things keep going the way they are, I'm sure I won't be far away from it. I'm slowly spiraling farther and farther down and the farther down you go the harder it is to get back up. Pretty soon its going to be impossible to fix anything that I've done wrong. I'm sick and tired of failing everything I do. I'm tired of not having any motivation at all to do anything. It makes me so mad that I can't do the things that I'm supposed to do, yet I do nothing about it. I just don't know how to fix everything I've destroyed. I've lost my will to keep going. I'm not going to kill myself or anything but I just hate where I am and what I'm doing right now. It's just really frustrating.

Money is the root of all cool things.

I've been trying to get a job here in muncie since I started college, but whenever someone's hiring I dont even get a call after i apply. no, "sorry we filled the spot" or "sorry you weren't qualified" nothing. absolutely, nothing. it makes me so mad. at least have the common curtesy to tell me the result of my application, dont just ignore me. GRAHHH.

On a more positive note, I earn about 150 bucks a month from biolife by donating plasma, so that isn't too bad. :D I should probably start doing that again. Maybe I will tomorrow.

I really want to get myself a new watch. The one I have now, while it's not bad, I would like something better. The black finish is wearing off and it's looking dated (no pun intended). (okay that was a bad joke. but still...) I dont know what I should get though, I like black sleek watches, and I really love Movado watches, but they are WAAAAAAY out of my price range. They certainly look sexy though. My Armitron is a cheap imitation of what they look like, and even though I love how my watch looks, I can't help but be jealous.

Just look at how damn sexy this thing is.

I love that watch. I don't love it's price tag however. 1,600 is just not in my wallet right now. That's all the money I have in checking AND savings. Not happening anytime soon. Unless someone wants to give me a very generous donation. (but I seriously doubt that, and even if I had that much, it would go to three things. 1. Car fund 2. savings and 3. Girlfriend. :D)

Oh well. My watch is still ticking, and I'm okay with that.